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polpette (Italian vegetarian “meat”balls)

July 22, 2019

Got a lot of stale bread? These are… food.

Zucchini 280 g
Stale bread 250 g
Eggs (about 1 medium) 50 g
Whole milk 60 g
Breadcrumbs 120 g
Basil to taste
Tomato pulp 150 g
Garlic 1 clove
Mozzarella 90 g
Extra virgin olive oil to taste
Salt to taste
Black pepper to taste
(edit: please add oregano or really anything)

– break up the bread and soak it in milk
– slice zucchini into “rather large slices,” heat up some oil in a pan, then fry them over medium heat for about 10 min or until cooked
– using a “robot” (I love Google translate; I am guessing you want to use a food processor) or a fork, mix zucchini with breadcrumbs, salt, bread, and pepper (and basil if using)
– add egg after blending, and blend until homogenous
– form balls of about 30-33 g in weight
– refrigerate for 30 minutes to firm up so they don’t fall apart
– in a separate pan, start garlic (“or shirt if you prefer,” according to Google translate,) and add crushed tomatoes, basil, salt, and pepper
– when tomato sauce tastes great, add balls and melt mozzarella over the the top. cover with lid.

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original recipe from giallo zafferano in Italian and here it is in English, run through a translator

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Okay, these are edible. If you have a bunch of stale bread, this is definitely a way to use it. It isn’t a GOOD way; it’s just a way. Being on a soft food diet, it’s nice having something shaped like a meatball, but you know what else is soft? Good vegan meatballs. I mean, vegetarian buffalo “meatballs” made with white beans are soft. Meatless wild rice and mushroom “meatballs” are soft. These are just straight-up BLAND! The texture is a bit gloopy on day one, and by day three mellow to a sort of gluey, gummy mess. So, the taste is bad. The texture? Also bad.

The only way I can recommend these is if you have a LOT of dumpstered bread to use. PLEASE add sautéed onions or garlic to flavor the polpette. Tagged “waste not,” because this might keep some bread out of the landfill. Tagged “soft food” because I ate these with a temporary crown, and it didn’t hurt. Ecstatic to use the “nope” tag for the first time in a year. This recipe could be adjusted to be more flavorful, but right now, these polpette are a solid nope.

This is solid proof that everyone creates a nightmare in the kitchen sometimes. Everyone occasionally ends up with a week’s worth of glue-balls. Jump in, try something new, and if it turns into paste, make something better next week!

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